this is our first date
by Lissa.chann
Summary: it's like a first date but really it's like 50 first dates. except without the memory loss and with more of the compassionate sides of everyone. the death of ron leaves one person broken than most and another pining for her unrequited love. the love is real with these two. Rated M for...you know why.
1. day 11 x fix you

_Day 11 x Fix You_

Hermione rolled over in her bed. She didn't know what time it was, she didn't care either. All she knew it that it had been 16 days, 12 hours and 6 minutes and counting since the last day she had seen Ronald.

The sunlight coming through the murky Hogwarts window did nothing for her as the tears stung through and she found herself a sobbing mess of a person. Why did he have to be the one to go? She could have gone with them to make sure they were okay. She insisted but Harry said he didn't want to be the cause of another loss.

But that had just happened.

Ron had disappeared without a trace during the war and they had looked high and low for days without ceasing, not even to care for themselves. They had to find them because surely he was alive wasn't he?

Well the war was over and he was still nowhere to be found.

Hermione had come back to Hogwarts in that time to stares and whispers but she shrugged them off without thinking of a second reason to it. Nothing she did could even have caused these whispers so there was no need to even pay attention to them, right?

How desperately right and unintentionally right she was.

She sat down at the Gryffindor table and started on her toast and received her Daily Prophet through an old owl, but what she saw made her want to up churn her usual toast and just die.

'_Ronald Weasley, 1/3 of the Golden Trio, found mutilated in the Forbidden Forest'_

Hermione didn't know what happened first but all she knew is that when she started for her dormitory, she barely reached the door and collapsed before the entire Great Hall in a screaming, sobbing mess of a person.

Then as her world now felt black, cold and unhappy she felt something cover her and hands grab out their support in the form of hugs and just holding her. She had inexplicably lost something she couldn't replace. It couldn't be replaced by the form of hugs or touches of anyone else, but just a familiar smell of cinderwood and a ginger kiss to the top of her forehead.

Which was now gone forever in the madness of a Wizarding War.

As they guided her to her dormitory, which would just be her home until she coped with this, she felt her heart tear, rip and eventually just die in her chest.

Tears streamed from her face as she kicked and thrashed in her bed, hoping. . .praying that this would bring him back.

It wouldn't but she was so sure it would somehow.

She did this until she could no more and just gave up hope on everything she once thought was possible.

It hurt. It hurt so bloody bad. It still hurt when she tried to get out of bed two weeks later. That wasn't happening.

She un dressed herself and crawled under the covers, sheathing herself in the only things she knew now; Despair, agony and sorrow.

She blamed herself. Everyday because if she was there, she could have watched over him. She could have saw this coming. She could have prevented it.

But she just didn't. She had been so selfish to go back to school instead of helping. What kind of monster was she?

"What kind of bloody fucking monster am I?", she murmered to herself as she cried once more, covering her face in the blanket she knew all too well now.

A knock sounded.

Hermione turned her dishelved head towards it with her eyes bursting full of unhappiness and disgust. Who would want to see a monster such as herself? Were they here to kill her? She pained for the release of death and hope it came ready and able for her now.

The door creaked open and revealed a person she never thought would show himself sorry in a thousand years.

Draco Malfoy.

He saw her and looked upon her with such. . .weariness and despair that it almost pained her to look back at him as she did. He saw her eyes held regret and the hope she would get what she would deserve. Though it was not what she really needed.

It pained him to see that she even thought that of herself. It pained him to a point where his tears released themselves and he cried. He cried openly and didn't bother to wipe the tears.

He had suffered his own losses throughout the war and didn't want to see another like himself. For once he wanted to help, he wanted her to release her burdens and at the same time help him realize something himself.

"What can I do for you?", He choked out, coming closer and kneeling before her bed as she scooted backwards.

This selfless broken child, opened her arms and invited him into her world of sorrow; as black as it was she needed something, anything worth relying on.

After the days of being disgusted in herself, hating her own skin and wanting to be so rid of it; she wanted someone to fix that. She needed someone to fix her. It hurt when he wrapped his arms around her awkwardly but held on tight.

It hurt so bloody bad.

"Tell me what I can do for you. Anything.", he spoke in her ,once brazen locks of love but now coiled greasy strips of leather.

He felt for her and pulled her tighter. It was unknown concept for him to walk into a strangers room and hold them but. . .she wasn't a stranger. They knew each other through the pain and despair and found themselves in the nights of being drenched in tears and soaked in sweat from the nightmares.

"Just. . .", she felt another sob pulling its way out. "Hold me."

She cried on his shoulder and convulsed in the space of his chest where her head had fallen was time to stop hating herself. To stop blaming herself. She needed anything to give her hope and a chance. She wanted anything.

Gods, please.

"Because you're the only thing that can. . .fix me."


	2. day 12 x wild one

day 12 x wild one

Fuck what was Draco going to do with Hermione? She was absolutely studious and gorgeous some days but then others she just couldn't control her . . . urges. These urges were absolutely ridiculous and it's not as though he didn't like this side of her but Merlin! He needed a break!

Draco felt partly responsible for this. He gave her a taste of his good looks and a bit off the lips and she goes crazy! Now she wants to do _that _everywhere!

"I cannot do this—my gods—bloody women," He should have just sworn off women. He really should have because rubbish like this wouldn't be happening. Good rubbish, very positive rubbish albeit rubbish nonetheless.

Draco rubbed his temples as he walked the pathway back towards the Great Hall thinking about different ways of subduing her, possibly through the form of a stupefy or just tying her to her dormitory bed for the remainder of the year.

Oh yes the latter would work. Therefore he could give her some "homework help" (like she needed it) but also he wouldn't have to get pounc—

"Speak of the bloody devil."

A weight crashed upon him and he felt himself being dragged into a very very dark room. A dark room with no light wait that was the meaning of dark . . . never mind. He threw his head back and felt it hit a stone wall in agony and he groaned for two reasons, one being that his head hurt like fucking hell.

The latter being that, he wasn't even surprised and had put 'being dragged into a dark room' in his planner in the beginning of the week.

Fuck.

"Draco," Hands went around his shoulder, a satin voice purred in his ear and for once he kind of wished he didn't hear those gorgeous pipes.

"Yes?" That's when he started feeling her lips kissing the tender areas of his neck that only _she_ knew and he swore he was going to _die_.

"How are you feeling?"

Such a trivial question for such a seemingly complex person.

"Worn out. This is the third time you've dragged an unsuspecting Mr. Malfoy into an odd place." He leaned back and glanced at the darkness for some unknown reason.

"Oh you don't like these surprise encounters ?" She ran her fingers through his hair and leant close to his ear.

"Well . . . it's not that I like them just—"

She smoothly guided her bottom onto his lap and kept one hand on his waist and the other on the back of his neck. Draco knew she was sneakier than she would admit! It was only a matter of time.

"Hmm . . . I think I'll just have to give you a reason to like it."

There she kissed him firm on the lips with so much fucking passion and just . . . gods Draco knew she was the right choice and he praised whatever deity was out there that she was the way she currently was.

Wild as hell and he liked it.


	3. day 13 x broken hearted

Everytime Draco touches her and kisses her, she loves it. She really does but there's a side of her that can't seem to let go of what she and Ron had. It's really too much and she doesn't want to hurt either of them.

Yes she may moan when he licks the underside of her neck.

Sure she kisses back with probably more passion than what was originally put in the kiss, if that's possible.

Of course she can't help but be attracted to him but they came together through a series of extremely morbid sequenced events and she still will always love Ron. It was a fact that pained her more than anything in the entire world.

Draco comforted her through he nightmares and suicidal thoughts so that's who she should love right? And she's beginning to.

She just can't bloody seem to forget the memories, the stolen kisses, the "firsts" and the broken heart she had been left with. But just because she had a broken heart didn't mean she had to hurt Draco and that's what made her feel like shite.

Draco understood that she needed her time as he did his and was fine with the fact she had to cope sometimes but she knew it hurt him. Not too much but enough to count and Hermione couldn't leave him as heartbroken as she had been left herself.

No she just couldn't.

"Ron would want you to move on 'Mione," As Harry had politely put it last week. "Yeah he'd be a bit mad but he'd understand that you and him had your moments and that it's time to understand that where new love is found, some things have to change."

Some things did have to change and while she wouldn't completely forget Ron, she would have to cherish what she had _now_.

She couldn't break Draco's heart when she had it right in her hands like this.


	4. day 14 x she's got a way

day 14 x she's got a way

Draco seriously didn't know what it was but his entire being felt sucked out of him and he didn't know why. He and Hermione had just been in Arthimacy together trying to figure out ways that Hogwarts could be improved or whatever and she had just been speaking. . .and. . .

He didn't know what it was. He knew it was a jelly legs curse because he'd have been on the floor for a while. His heart was beating all fast, his palms felt like they were on _fire_ and. .. what the bloody hell was going on?

Draco looked around the classroom and tried to notice anything that could be causing this in the middle of bloody January! His eyes darted back and forth through the classroom noticing slight trivial things but nothing really of use to what was going on in him.

". . .Potter laughing with Weaselette. . .Fat Slughorn. . .The hell," Hermione lifted her head up from Hogwarts: A History, took one glance at Draco and was thoroughly confused.

He looked crazed, to be frankly honest, with his hands writhing, his neck poking out of his collarbone in an odd fashion and his eyes. . .Merlin what was wrong with him!

"Draco?"

The said person snapped his neck to Hermione is the most insane manner that it had her flinch away in fear. He didn't know what made him do so but he began laughing at her reaction to Hermione's dismay.

"No no! Just go on back to whatever you're doing. . .", Draco's head down to the desk and he slumped away from her.

"Well it's kinda hard whe—"

He shot her a sideways glance that instantly stopped her and she didn't question his actions any further.

Draco lay in his bed with a passing look of confusion on his frame and a fleeting thought of something worse in his head. What if he had some rare deadly form of Dragon Pox?

That was caused by him looking at the girl who had fallen for?

He visibly scoffed, grabbed his wand and began to levitate his backpack in the air. A trivial thought but really he didn't know what the hell was wrong with him. Hermione couldn't cause anything to happen to him but his heart to flutter and other useless things.

When he looked at her. . .gods, it was like seeing heaven all over again. Like none of these things had happened to him and his mother. It was almost as if the mere existence wasn't on the basis of tragedy and war ridden souls.

The pain in her was still there but when she looked at him now, all he saw was this beautiful girl that had a heart bigger than the world and could have shared with anyone. . .

But she chose him. Of all of the undeserving people…him.

And while all of that was great and dandy he would never know what the bloody hell was wrong with him! Frustrated, Draco pulled the plush matte black comforter over himself and angrily settled into bed.

In his final thoughts he wondered if this was what love felt like and in a question unanswered, he fell asleep.


	5. day 15 x what hurts le most

day 15 x what hurts the most

Hermione didn't want to deal with this. She was a brave girl and yes she had even faced Voldemort with the aid of her friends but she could have never prepared for this. She could have but she chose not to and formally push it away.

She didn't want to do this but she felt she had to.

She began her pace with her veil that sheathed her eyes, she gave her formal sunhat a tug before she walked into the modest backyard now adorned in ceremonial flowers, chairs and. . .a casket.

A beautiful casket at that. A simple mahogany casket covered in a Chudley Cannons tee shirt that he had loved so much and a picture of the three of them enjoying life before it had been taken from him.

As she began to sit down Hermione praised the gods alike that it had not been an open casket funeral or she just may have grabbed his lifeless body screaming questions that could never be answered.

The tears started to evenly fill her eyes and she felt an arm enclose around her; even without acknowledging whose appendage it was, she just cried. She cried onto Harry's chest and she never accepted it.

She could never accept that this was her best friend's casket in front of her, his body eternally resting in there, her love that would ever be returned ever again and her tears coming out for him. She couldn't accept it at all but she knew she would have to move on eventually.

Braving herself Hermione began a slow crawl to the casket, praying her feet would not fail where her eyes and heart had already. As she had finally stood in front of the box containing her former lover, she thought of all the good things that would have happened if he had still been around.

She wouldn't be at this bloody funeral for him, no one would be crying, and the only thing that could have been happening in their backyard around the same time next year could have been their marital bond. Fiery haired babies with brains to boot and the carefree life encircled around the love and bond of their parents. Stories of the 'good ole days', the war, misadventures…gods.

Her hands felt like they had moved on their own and she touched the casket.

"Gods why did you have to die on me, Ronald. . ." Using her other hand to wipe her newly formed tears, she blamed the imaginary kids, the bloody Ministry, Voldemort, everything but most of all. . .herself.

She had to come to accept the fact that he was _not_ coming back and no matter how much she wanted him too, he just wasn't. She had to learn that it wasn't her fault, it wasn't anyone's in particular, it had just _happened_.

Everyone dies. Death was a natural part of the Life cycle and she would come to pass on as well and perhaps see his shining face staring back at her. Maybe they would start a new life together in th—

No. They would not.

She had something for her now and if she didn't learn to embrace that. . .she would have nothing. Ron had loved her yes, possibly more than she could imagine and she had loved him back. But now he was gone. . . and no matter how much she didn't want to admit it, she needed someone to love her just as much as he did.

She didn't want that to happen so soon. Ron would have been happy if she was happy though. She wasn't ready, she didn't think. She loved Ron but. . .

Ron was dead.

Draco wasn't.

And this is what hurts the most, accepting the fact that things happened for a reason, no matter how morbid or upsetting that reason may be, they happened. She had to learn to accept that it happened; there was nothing she could do about it but enjoy life while she could and lead a beautiful one that would make him proud.

She thought about that as she returned to her seat, pondering on the things Ron had inadventrly taught her. . .even in his death. She had to bloody accept it and move on.

It was just hard, y'know?


	6. day 16 x break even gurl

day 16 x break even

It was such a weird day, the sky was beautiful and everything had a nice happy tinge about it but it was a weird omniscient flow about everything like there was _something _that should happen but no one knew exactly what.

Draco knew though. He always knew everything underhanded and odd about the day. Call it a sixth sense if you will but Draco _knew_. But he only knew because he was apart of this largly present feeling.

He knew he had to tell Hermione.

He just didn't know how.

His footsteps echoed the wall as he padded around his dormitory anxiously; his palms dripping with anticipation. It was a Saturday, thank goodness, and everyone had left so he could have more time for this dilemma.

He knew that he _cared _about her but not this much and it fucking scared him. He just wanted her to feel the same way but he just never cared this much and—Fuck! He's scared!

Draco Malfoy was fucking _scared_. He'd admit.

He was only scared because with all the heartbreak and turmoil she had experienced in the last year or so, he wasn't sure if her heart was ready to open up to him. But she had left so much for him and showed she really cared right? So that _must_ mean that she loved him!

Draco once again _knew_ he was right.

So in a matter of a fear filled minutes, he wiped his palms on the fronts of his jeans and bravely knocked on her dormitory door.

It opened—of course—to a slightly shocked, but nonetheless, pleased Hermione.

"Hello Draco, what're you doing here?"

This was it! He would do it!

"Hermione! I think I love you."

Yes! He had done it! Finally! A love unabashed!

Her quickly turned solemn expression told him as she took a breath in and raised her hand to the door knob.

"No you don't." And the door shut. Just like that. In his face.

It was peobably the feeling of his heart breaking that made it hurt so bad and caused him to start fucking crying.

Yeah. . .it was probably that.


	7. day 17 x stronger fuck that

What killed you ironically, did not make you stronger. Whoever thought up of such bollocks obviously must have never seen the woes of heartbreak and the onset of pain shortly there after.

The feeling must be benign to them because if Draco was sure, he just wanted to die even further. No not die because dying as too simple for what he felt right now. It was weird.

He didn't want to die but he wanted to exist. He had built up his entire being on a now completely baned existence and he didn't know what to do. He did not know what to do.

Draco Malfoy did not know what to fucking do after having his heart shit on by a…BEAUTIFUL fucking prude—no never prude! She was justice! She was the meaning of life to him but apparently it would never be reciprocated because he was just a piece of parchment in her fucking diary of—fuck! He didn't even know what he was saying!

So he just screamed it. Not screamed it but he let it out somehow.

Covered in the most elegant but now useless of linens, he whispered something dark and hated which chilled anyone who heard it in a small distance to the bone.

"You fucking broke my heart, you goddess of gorgeous hate. I hate you so badly. I fucking hate you Hermione. You tore me to fucking shreds after I let you cry on my shoulder. I don't even know what to fucking do. I loved you and—"

He focused.

"I will never forgive you and you swore to me you've never do to another what Ron _supposedly_ did to you but what the fuck? He died you silly bint! You fucking liar. All this shit—I loved you. I FUCKING LOVED YOU!"

FUCK! He had put so much FUCKING work into this and…gods so fucking stupid.

"So much disappointment, years of blind following and hatred…I come out of it a new man and what the fuck happens? Hah—I was fooled! Another case of the Voldemort shite!"

He pulled at his roots and prayed it hurt just as much as his heart did. Even if someone asked him about it, they wouldn't understand the hurt of a first love rejected so rudely as his.

"I'll stay here and just fucking die."

He had a solution and hoped it went through.


	8. day 18 x bootiful soul

day 18 x beautiful soul

it hurt too damn much. He didn't even want to think of the good because he was in a horrible place right now. You know when people tell you how to get over a breakup by thinking of the good things? He really wanted to do that but it was all shite because it had come down to this.

He could think about her smile, the way that she would always turn the bad into something marevelous, her brilliance and her just wonderful demeanor in general. He could talk about how it felt when he saw her heart open to him for the first time or their first kiss and the way her lips felt. The way her body mold perfectly with his and how his body reacts to her touch.

It wouldn't be fair though. She didn't deserve any of that. . .she didn't.

Her fingertips were so soft on his neck and his face. . .he wanted her touch back. He wanted her laughter back and her lips all over him. He yearned for her everywhere. In his bed, on his hands, near his chest, wrapped around his mind and most importantly in his heart.

Draco groaned and rolled over because he didn't feel like facing this right now.


End file.
